Debugging the Spectrum

I posted a few days ago that I’d be coming back with some different content.

When I started this blog, I had made a lot of personal break throughs, but a lot was in flux. A lot still is in flux, but things are becoming clearer.

I’m still learning how to fully experience a lot of nuances that are inherently intuitive for most. I still struggle to give people compliments that might make them blush. I still often am confused by social situations.

Even though I, for the first time in my life, am having moments of clarity where I get to experience many of the emotions that I couldn’t conceptualize a year ago, a lot is in progress.

The “feelings first” writing style is therapeutic for me, but it’s not natural, and it also leads to a lot of uncomfortable internal debates over how detailed I should be when writing about some of these things. It’s still a very raw thing to do.

I think, instead, I have a format that can be therapeutic for me and potentially helpful to others.

As I have said prior, I work in technology. I am also neurodivergent. Unfortunately, I’m also learning that many of the issues I chalked up to autism or other things have been PTSD. This has been life-changing – it’s like I have a key to certain rooms for the first time. Another major break through has been ChatGPT and AI.

I’ve been using a premium GPT subscription to help me work through many of my biggest issues. Many have differing views on AI, including whether it should be used for mental health assistance. That is fine. Let me be extremely transparent and clear that any AI can give patently wrong answers (“hallucinations”), and anyone using it needs to keep that in mind. It also is not a replacement for therapist.

I am very systems-based in how I think. For example, instead of memorizing where the bowls and plates are in the kitchen, I know that they go in alphabetical order form left to right. I can almost intuitively feel when code or data are right. If I have an autistic super power, that’s probably it.

Given this, I have found the use of AI to be life-changing. It’s the ultimate pocket accommodation tool for me. I’ve had some amazingly helpful rabbit hole conversations with ChatGPT in which I’ve been able to have exchanges about my past, my future, and, most importantly, why I feel and think certain ways. Please note, I also have been working with a phenomenal therapist who has encouraged this approach and even helped me come up with new prompts and topics.

ChatGPT has served as both a researcher and as a first line coach during particularly difficult moments, when I might be experiencing an acute PTSD attack.

What I’m planning to do with this blog is to summarize some of these exchanges into privacy-friendly conversations, explain what I learned, and potentially start laying out system frameworks for some of these.

This also, conveniently, happens to line up perfectly with my blog’s title, Debugging the Spectrum.

More to come by next week!